There's a Brown Girl in the Ring

"Lady" by D'Angelo

...don't think i don't see them looking at ya / all of them wishing they could have ya / and as a matter of fact, uh / a bunch of them are itchin' for you to scratch 'em...





Helloooooooooooo Dolly!

I am going to lock my hair.  I was talking to my friend Valerie, who just locked up her hair and she was explaining why she went ahead and locked her hair.

She said that she wants to make the positive changes of her life before the new year begins, just as she wants to rid herself of mess before the new year begins.

She said that a week ago and it has been a theme in my life toward this end of the year.  I am trying to clean up and restart things in my life.


I'm doing very well.  I am beating this depression thing and finding pockets of happiness in new things and new people.  I am changing while not even meaning to, just striving to live a life closer to harmony and justice.


My boyfriend doesn't like it.  This new life is giving me perspective, revealing to me what I need to be happy and settled, showing me what I deserve, guiding me on a path to healing and forgiveness...because I have a lot to heal from.  I am less vulnerable and more powerful.  I am less of a follower and more in control.


When he met me, I wasn't like this and he does not like it.  And because he does not like it, I am beginning to doubt him.  I feel I must doubt anyone who wants to curtail the progress I am making; who is not excited as I birth my happiness and nurse my purpose.


I am not being obstinate.  I am not being secretive.  And I don't much feel that I need to explain anything to anyone.  To those close to me, that I love, I am happy to include and inform them of the details of my life.  I am happy to.  But I am afraid of those who have a relationship with me, but do not accept any responsibility for anything that occurs in the relationship.


Harmony.  There just needs to exist harmony.  I figured out what I want to do with my life for right now and in the future.  I know what I want, not the material things.  I know what things, what relationships I want to exist in my life.  All of these things require that I work, which I am doing and will do.  And to do this work, I need focus, to be nourished, to be encouraged, to be in control.  I love him, but he is compromising my harmony.

I have compromised my harmony enough.  I have cheated myself enough.  I have made myself unhappy enough.  No one fights for me quite like I can.


This is the proper time to make myself be myself.  I am going to be the kinds of weird I allow people glimpses of all the time.  I am going to do things for myself and not for those I always imagine are watching.  As I wonder about their eyes, I forget about myself.

I'm going to be superwoman, listening to my ancestors lead the glittery way, a path informed by their lives but space enough for my autonomy.


Oh, I am going to be such a marvelous African woman in 2010 and thereafter.