Don't Leave a Voicemail

"A Change Would Do You Good" by Sheryl Crow


...God's little gift is on the rag / poster girl posing in a fashion mag / canine, feline, jekyll and hyde / wear your fake fur on the inside...

Today, I made my way to an open call at American Apparel.  I worked at Old Navy for about half a year when I graduated high school and I swore off retail...FOREVER.  Retail sucks.  However, my "full time" job is fakin' liiiiike...so I need another one so as to save up money.  My mother taught me that saving should be treated as another expense or bill.  Of late, I haven't been saving nearly as much as I should.

I was going to wrap up my teenie weenie afro (TWA) in a scarf and bun it up in the back.  I decided against it and decided to wrap the scarf around my ears and head and let the TWA show.  While waiting at the bus stop, a middle aged Black man stopped me and said that my hair was beautiful and he was so proud to see a sister out and about, rocking her natural hair.

I was elated, to say the least.  I know that my face is pretty, but the accessory that is hair has always augmented my beauty exponentially.  Without the long braids or the perm, I feel a little less pretty or at least less captivating.  I know that part of it is I haven't totally let go of the European aesthetic.  It's almost as if I lost a limb sometimes I have phantom pain/presence.  Sometimes I feel a wisp of something on my ear the way I felt when I had my braids in or when my hair was permed.  Other times, I feel the tightness around my forehead like I am wearing a ponytail when my braided curls get on my nerves.

But I am learning my hair is beautiful nonetheless, without the press or perm or extensions.  And, by proxy, I am beautiful too.

It was great to get that compliment.  And he also said that I was beautiful, apart from the hair.  And I was worried about that.  I am less pretty maybe?  But I am not.

I ran into a blog entry somewhere (I'll figure it out for you later) about the types of men this one young woman used to attract versus the men she now attracts with her hair natural.  She is a beautiful, young, vibrant Black woman too.  I have been thinking that (although I have been afraid to say it).  I have a feeling that the kinds of men I used to entertain would no longer entertain me, which is fine because none of them were worth my hate even.

I am excited about that.  I am excited, that more often, I will run into men (and they will be willing to approach me) that are more conscious, more intellectual, less about scheming, consumerism, fake hip hop, sagging pants, and getting the drawers!  Not that I want any of them, because I'm still uninterested in any men (and I am already betrothen to someone), but it will just be nice to experience a change in conversation and weed out the time-wasters.

I have to work on this African worldview #in2010 (you see how Twitter lingo is infiltrating my formal English?).