Every Time Harry Meets Sally

"The Way I Am" by Ingrid Michaelson
...if you are chilly, here take my sweater...

In the spirit of maintaining my awareness of others on El Red, I visited some of the blogs I have blog rolled and checked out new postings.

Naked & Natural had a new post that featured a video clip of an artist delivering a poem on HBO's acclaimed show Def Poetry. I had seen the episode before, but like the truth likes to do, it was still true.

The poem is called "To All The Boys I've Love Before: Parts I and II". It was right on time. I just finished discussing with The Working Definition about my negotiations for this new boy/man (They are one in the same to me, synonyms for the same condition).

As I start this new romantic negotiation, more aware, older, wiser, more informed, less expectant, and more resilient, I am still apprehensive and I am still afraid. They say that God does not supply us and does not want us to live with the spirit of fear, but I do not think they know heartache well enough, for if they did, they would be afraid too.

So in watching this poem be born, I remembered that fear, not in overwhelming amounts, is the thing that keeps you from really f*cking up. You will enter that same situation with a caution you never considered exercising before; a caution that could have saved you from whatever pitfall you suffered.

It will not impede my negotiations for those are already in progress, but I will exercise cautious optimism. There will be no hemorrhaging of love or lust even, because I cannot be certain of a transfusion.

Of course, history is haunting and I cried for and over all those boys I loved and I wondered if it was too late to apologize to that girl I have cheated out of so much happiness. I will just do right by me from now on, or at least make a more conscious effort. And yes, I still beieve in love even if I end up only loving myself.