Best of Me

"Best for Last" by Adele

...you should know that you're just a temporary fix / this is not rooted with you / it don't mean that much to me / you're just a filler in the space that happened to be free / how dare you think you'd get away with tryin' to play me...

Do you see my heart on my sleeve? I was born that way. The problem is, I have an addiction to wearing red shirts so you can't see my red pulsating heart most of the time.

So when you hurt my feelings, make my heart skip a beat, make me nervous, relieve me, I inadvertently can't show you because my compulsively chosen emotional wardrobe is really just a uniform. It even fools me into believing there is no heart there.

Ah, but today I switched it up. I wore this beautiful ivory smile, this golden glint in my eye, a green crown and this brown skin. And everyone could seem my magnificent, pulsating, red heart, including me.

And it beat, uninterrupted, without stress, even-paced, and satiated. I chased away my own melancholy.

I was overwhelmed up until I decided that I should not be. I sat, with my misery and negotiated his exit. I asked what it was he existed for and reorganized the things in my head so that they would no longer be conducive to his residency. I managed my time, made lists, and convinced myself that this life is very possible.

He quietly but not humbly seceded, vowing, in a final attempt to restore his grandeur, that he "would be back with a new sharpness."

I said, "Fine. Come back anytime." Not that I want to see him again, but I realize that he is unavoidable and all I have to do is employ the same negotiation efforts with myself and evict him again.