Letting You In

"Luxury: Cococure" by Maxwell

...lady lover / lady soul / you're my discovered pot of gold...

I must reconcile my lifestyle with the perimeters of my morals. Fashion used to be something to be interested in but not something to invest in. But that has changed.

I took myself shopping. I have some resplendent garments that make me feel very good about myself. I am changing the way I dress to some grown stuff to show the insecure girl inside how amazing she is.

I used to think that I had no business indulging in clothes. As if my shopping was somehow responsible for the woes of the world. Children are so self absorbed.

I used to think that happiness was for other people. I was one of those people who couldn't really describe misery because I knew nothing else. I felt strange being happy or excited or good. I was happy with caution I guess, waiting for the wrong to enter.

There are people whose approval I needed to be happy. I would still like those people's approval, but I will not die without it.

I think I just realized that much of what goes on in my life, good, bad, and bland, starts in my head and ends with my action. So I am working on changing the way I think and being more careful about what I do so as to be able to explain misery.

Happy New Year. Do something amazing this year.