Egyptian Fast Food

"Party Life" by Jay Z

...when you blue / got nothin' do...

I read an article on CNN under the Living category on the home page. It was called "Why Women Shouldn't Say 'I Love You' First" and I found it to be quite provocative.

This wasn't a subject I had a strong opinion about, if any opinion at all. But the explanation provided in the article made me understand.

Basically, despite our post-feminism movement era, there are still [environmentally induced] differences between men and women. Men tend to process their feelings slower than do women, so even though the relationship may going very well, he may not have arrived at the same emotional destination and would not be able to reciprocate equally.

For that reason, the article's author suggested that we females hold off the declaration of love so as not to risk hurt. As she poignantly explains in the article, she is not trying to be anti-feminist. Asking a gentleman out on a date or even proposing are acceptable things for a woman to do in this day and age. But an "I love you" has a specific rewarding reaction and there is no way to gauge accurately if that person loves you or not until you say it and brace yourself for the response.

I agree. Not that a man could not feel love before a woman and be subject to the same heartache, but it seems that it does not happen as often as it does with women.

The article tripped me up. I have no idea how to manage relationship business, emotions, communication of emotions, etc. I have no mature experience in relationships. [I have even been betrothed already and I have no clue on the makings that sustain a long term relationship].

My brother Richard and my best friends tell me I behave and think like a man in the romance department. I have been called emotionally detached, unavailable, and even rigid.

They point out, however, that I am quite warm and emotionally available for friends and family but I shut down for the man in my life. I express almost none of what I am thinking, I do not encourage them to share with me, but then I complain that I feel alone and cut off.

I know that I am doing it, as I have just formally diagnosed myself. However, it has become so elementary to my behavior that by the time I realize I am being "emotionally unavailable," it is too late and he has already pegged me as impenetrable. I honestly hope that I can watch myself more closely and stop my self sabotage (I cheated myself / like I knew I would). I hope to exorcise my immature demons and demonstrate a higher degree of normalcy in my courtships, especially with the 30th Century Man. This one, I really don't want to fudge. A glimpse of hope: another friend informed me that it just takes the right person. When the right person comes along, I will be able to grow up and make a genuine change.

In the meantime though, I'll still let him say "I love you" first.