First Thing Monday Morning

"I Feel Beautiful" by Fantasia

...I feel beautiful, beautiful / I feel beautiful, beautiful / Could not...touch my soul, touch my soul / Nothin' you could do to me can take away my right to feel...beautiful, beautiful...

For real, first thing on Monday morning, I am packing away all my tears, my frustrations, my worries, my sadnesses, my angers, my impatience, my deferred dreams, my disappointments and all that in a suitcase right along with my clothes, shoes, toiletries, and accessories.

No special bag, no special tag, nothing. I'm not going to be a Bag Lady anymore. I've been a bag lady almost all of my life. I have travelled with the bullshit of my sadness in bags, tangible bags, heavy bags. I am packing them in a bag along with my possessions, getting on a plane, travelling to my destiny, cashing in the check of my fate, dropping off the bullshit, and flying back.

We leaving the BS behind. When I get back, I get to start over. No emails, no text messages, no phone calls will shake me anymore. I don't care about the pain of the menfolk, the parentals, the siblings, the former friends, the current frenemies, the have-not episodes, maladaptive coping mechanisms, or none of that. I am not going to continue to mess up my now with the sadness of my yesterday, but I'll always remember. That's the best I can do.