So Far To Go

"Heard 'Em Say" by Kanye West


...and I heard 'em say / nothing's ever promised tomorrow-today...

I don't know how to pray for love.  I don't really understand love or think I understand love like the rest of the world understands love.

I understand love to be a huge overtaking of passion.  I understand love to be a fire, a serious burning flame burning away the disappointment, heartbreak, and melancholy other loves may have caused.  I understand love to be comprehensive, impossible to ignore, impossible to not show, impossible to not let grow.


I think I am in love.  I'm not sure.  And not being sure leads me to believe that I am not in love.  Love don't love nobody but she do love to be herself, in your life, over and over again.  I have been in love.  And I loved.  Really I did.  I was truly devoid of any rationale, logic, or anything that wasn't love.  The object of my love was my focus--always.

I want love like that.  Of course, we all have lives--lives full of obligations, deadlines, bills, workplace politics, etc.  And those things in life consume much energy, make you tired, stress you out and kill your passion.  I don't mean that I want to be someone's obsession.  Gross.  Please go about your life, have a life.  But I want to be an important of your life.  I want a love to escape the cruelty of the world, to forget the disappointment of relationships, a love to make me overlook the misfortune of work, to be unbothered (and pray for) the frustration of a Godless, capitalist society.

Winded

When I love you, I want to get away.  I want my love to be the place that I don't have to hide that I am crazy and nobody will make me feel bad for everything that's wrong with me.  I want my love to be the place where I feel better about myself, where I repair myself, like sleep for my soul.  I want my love to carry me over when I don't think I can.  I want my love to hold all my secrets.  I want my love to be organic.  I don't want you to think about what to tell me, what to say to me, what not to tell me.  It's a harsh world and I don't want to brave the weather alone.

I want my strong Black man love--to him I will belong--he who will love me and protect me with nothing more than the soul he was given at birth.  I don't want no money.  I don't care about gifts.  I'm not interested in how much you make or how much you're going to make or how much you're not going to make--if you love me.  I want to be able to give you everything and always know I'll get everything--all of my love--back.

These material things will come and go.  I may be poor or rich, I don't know.  I don't care because God will always be there to provide as long as I have faith and work hard.  But after I work hard, even if I'm the poorest of the poor, I want to come home to you love.  I want to make it home to you love and be in love--in a small, cold apartment or in an estate, or in a car, or wherever you are.  If you'll love me, I'll stay wherever you are.