Believe In Me

"Heartbreak Warfare" by John Mayer

...if you want more love :: then why don't you say so?

Problems are easy to identify, great to lament about, energizing to dwell in.  Answers and solutions are elusive, elusive, secretive, elusive, and difficult to maintain patience to seek and greet.

You can always list your problems without hesitation.  If anyone begins to lend an ear about what ails you, you have perfect linguistic ability to detail all that's wrong with you and your life.  You're broke.  You want another/a new job.  You're in love and scared.  You're still broke.  You're bored.

It's difficult to list remedies you have considered of even implemented, mostly because you're stuck listing the problems.

I have one problem: my easily compromised faith.  I'm a drama QUEEN.  I love for life to be full of craziness.  But there is a level of craziness I cannot manage.  I get really impassioned about dejected moods and I just wanted to stay melancholic.  I do enjoy being sad for some reason.  I get all down in the dumps, never-no-sunshine-no-more, end-of-days sad.

Why?  Because I lack faith in my God.  I think the solutions have to start with me.  But they don't.  I can do what I can to facilitate change and improvement because God does help those who help themselves.  But what power of authority I lack, my God makes up for and I need to learn to let Him do His job.  I NEED to surrender authority.

So for the duration of the year, I need to focus on my faith.  It's a little late for New Year's Resolutions, but this is not just for a year.  I want great things to happen to me and the people around me in the coming years.  These coming years are pivotal and set the stage for the rest of my life...for real.  I feel like they said that when you graduated from middle school, high school, and then college.  And all those were pivotal times but this is the real show.  What will I do with all this education?  What will I do with all my passion?  What will I do with all my love?

I have to become a career-woman, a wife, a mother, fighter for Africa...a fighter.  And I can do all these things through Christ Jesus.