"Alejandro" by Lady Gaga
Who do you love? Me or the thought of me? I remember writing about this topic before. I can't really tell the difference between love and lust.
Some would venture to say that means I have never been in love.
But I have been. I'm always in love. It's my favorite state of affairs.
I really do think I have been in love before, it just always ends so bad.At a point, I believed that I was not lovable at all. I would get burned everytime...and I was the only common denominator each time so I offered myself as the defective party.
On some level, I still believe I am defective. I do believe that I would be a waste of somebody's love. No one has yet been able to capture my attention for an extended amount of time. No one has been truly selfless in their love either. I have always felt I am getting far less than I am giving.
And I don't mean materially...because I have a feeling some folk will be reading this entry and begin to mentally calculate all they feel their giving has cost them.
I can compromise. I can accept defeat. I can assess the hell outta your state of mind based on real behaviors and reactions (go Bachelors in Psychology!). I can change the game, flip the script, and improve the worst of situations. But somehow that true stuff evades me. True love evades me.
eXcept in one instance...(Whoa)
I love love but she don't have time for me.
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