...ain't no feeling like being free / when your mind's made up and your heart is place / yea...
Additionally, the people in my life can be so demanding and so unreasonable sometimes, I am trapped in some mental warfare, part of me believing, this is not happening and another part being fully aware that I am sitting in a load of crap.
I try to my best to remember that people are different, handle crises differently, handle stress differently and all those negative emotions that tend to contribute to people treating one another with a compromised level of respect or no respect.
However, I have a hard time empathizing because when I am upset, disappointed, irritated, etc., I try my best not completely lose it on people simply because it's such a painful thing to know you hurt someone you love.
But alas, it seems that only a handful us can refrain hurting a loved one in the midst of anger. The anger that my parents demonstrated towards me was devastating to my life. It actually should not be classified as anger but rather as rage.
I'm so tired. I'm already a perpetual disappointment to myself and the people I depend on for emotional sustenance can be so wholly inadequate sometimes. It's so painful.
For this reason, today, I asked myself to demand more of myself. I need to be my own comfort and my own support, at least for now.
No womyn/man is an island so I don't expect to be my own biggest fan for as long as I live, but until I am better and can demand better from those in my life, I'll have to be my own crutch for a while.
Do they not say that if you don't expect anything, you cannot be disappointed. So I resolve to understand that one day either the people who surround me will one day understand me and be able to support me unconditionally or God will introduce a new network on which I can rely.
Because on some real, I'm doing important work in this world and I need liberation from other people's insecurities and inadequacies.
Ain't no feelin' like bein' free...
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